Felt invisible in high school? Here’s how to find your people in university

When I started university, I was quietly hoping for a reset.

I wasn’t bullied or involved in anything dramatic in high school. It’s just that I never truly felt like I belonged. I drifted between friend groups, spent lunch breaks alone in the library and often felt like I was watching high school happen from the sidelines. I’d tell myself, “University will be different”. I didn’t know exactly how, but I clung to the hope that it would be.

Spoiler: it was different. But it didn’t change all at once. It started with small moments –some intentional, some unexpected – that helped me feel seen, included and connected.

One of the first surprises about university was how no one cared who you were in high school. It felt like a fresh start – everyone was a stranger, many quietly hoping to redefine themselves. I remember meeting a classmate during orientation who said, “I was really shy in high school. I’m trying to be more outgoing here so bear with me.” That stuck with me. It was the first time I realized that everyone was figuring it out, just like me. It also gave me permission to try something different too.

I didn’t have to impress anyone – I just had to show up.

Those first few weeks were awkward, but also surprisingly meaningful. Everyone seemed open, curious and eager to connect. I made myself go to one welcome event – the Meet and Mingles hosted by the Student Experience Office. And even though I nearly talked myself out of it, going became a turning point. I ended up in a conversation with someone who also hated icebreakers, and we’ve been friends ever since that day. That moment reminded me that connection doesn’t have to start with a perfect introduction. And sometimes, bonding over mutual awkwardness is enough.

Over time, I started looking for small ways to meet people. I said “hi” to someone in lecture. I joined one club that aligned with my interests. And most importantly, I stopped thinking of campus events as awkward. Things like student socials or club meetings aren’t just about filling time but they’re about finding your people. When I joined the student newspaper, I met a group of passionate, creative, thoughtful students who made me feel welcome without me having pressure to perform or impress. I didn’t have to impress anyone – I just had to show up.

It wasn’t always easy. Making new friends as an adult can feel unfamiliar. There’s no assigned seating or group projects to force an interaction. You have to be a little bold, a little awkward and willing to start conversations that might not go anywhere. I began with simple openers like, “Have you taken this professor before?” or “Is this seat taken?”. Not every one of those moments led to a friendship, but some did and that was enough.

What I didn’t expect was how long it takes for real friendships to settle in. It’s not like the movies, where you meet your forever friends in week one. It took time. I kept showing up – at club meetings, in class, at residence events – and gradually, faces became familiar. Familiarity turned into connection. Connection turned into friendship. Some people I barely noticed in September became my closest friends by spring.

You don’t need to reinvent yourself or become the loudest person in the room. You just need to be yourself and be brave enough to try.

Even now, as a fourth-year student with a solid support system, there are still days I feel out of place. But I’ve learned that feeling lonely from time to time doesn’t mean you’re failing at university. It means you’re human. Everyone’s navigating this experience differently, even the ones who seem completely confident.

If you’re coming into university with that same feeling I had – that quiet hope for something better – know this: you’re not alone. There are people on your campus who want connection just as much as you do. I found mine by taking small risks, embracing discomfort and saying “yes” more often than I said “no.”

You don’t need to reinvent yourself or become the loudest person in the room. You just need to be yourself and be brave enough to try.

Your community is out there. Keep showing up.

You’ve got this.